My little Mr. Mak is such a joy in my life. However, my little Mr. Mak doesn't sleep much. He never has. He started out waking up every 2.5-3 hours then every 1.5-2 hours then every 1-2 hours then he had three wonderful days in a row where he slept for 5 and then woke up every hour after that. That didn't last. It soon became every 40 minutes to an hour and now we're at every 30-40 minutes! I am going insane! If he wasn't so darn sweet and happy during the day, I might be admitting myself to a mental hospital. He's such a good baby other than the lack of sleep. I don't know what to do. The more I pray for a good night sleep, the worse it gets.
I have tried formula before bed several several times (he barely drinks any of it). I've given him rice cereal, rice cereal and formula, rice cereal+formula+and breast milk. I just started him on solids a little early out of desperation hoping that it would solve all of our sleep problems, but it hasn't :(
I have put him in the carseat, bassinet, pack-n-play and our comfy bed and it hasn't made a difference. Fan or no fan, swaddled or not, lots of blankets or one, side or back, binky or no binky, etc. The only things I feel like I haven't tried is putting him on his belly or letting him cry it out. I just don't feel like I can let him cry every 30 minutes at night. That's worse than getting up to feed him. Yes, I feed him EVERY 30-40 minutes at night! Many doctors and probably mothers would think I was stupid, but I'm desperate and it's the only thing that'll get him back to sleep. And every time I nurse him he eats like it has been days since I fed him. He is little, but I know he doesn't need to eat that often. That's more than a newborn eats! I need help.
I usually don't ask for advice because I'm stubborn and I like to figure things out on my own, but I need sleep and my ideas aren't working. What can I do? I'm trying to tough it out and I am actually handling it a lot better than I was when he was first born, so at least my hormones seem to be working in my favor for now, but I would still like to sleep for more than 30 minutes or an hour at a time. Any miracle tricks you know of?
If not, we will survive. I will just keep praying, try to comfort him some other way than nursing at night and smile as often as I can with Mr. Mak and Tressler Boy #1.
11 comments:
Kayleen! You should not write such a serious post with such hilarious pictures! I just wanted to write HAAHAHA!! Until I rememebered the content of the post was actually pretty serious...I hope you can figure everything out...I am nervous we are on the same road-and I don't even know what I am going to do. We DO need to get together soon though! Blasted Pink eye foiled our playdate again...I am pretty sure Caity is over it, but just in case maybe we should wait another day? Does tomorrow or Thursday work? Holy long comment.
Have you tried letting him cry for a little bit before getting up with him? I know it sounds mean, and it feels mean too, but if he doesn't get instant gratification he might realize that he's fine without it. I know it's hard to do; my girls are 2 and 3 and have just finally been waking up less during the night!
Ok, Mommy advice here. He needs to learn to put himself to sleep when he wakes up. That is gonna mean letting him cry when he wakes up. Which is a very hard thing for Mommies to do. You may have to have Ezra sleep in your room til you accomplish this. Start out by letting him cry for 20 mins at a time. Go in after 20 mins and just rub his back a little. Don't talk to him or pick him up. Then leave. Even if he is still crying. It is going to take several nights of this, which will make you a bit crazy, but you must be consistent or it won't work. After 20 mins, do it again for another 20 mins. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do with you kids, but it worked. You may have to get some really good ear plugs to keep your sanity. If he is not sick, then he will learn after a few days to go back to sleep on his own. He has been conditioned to be picked up and nursed back to sleep every time he cries. It going to be a hard habit for him to break, but he will if you are persistent. I know it's not going to be easy Kayleen, but you have to do it for both of you. I love you.
Oh man. I can totally sympathize with you. I'm afraid a little tough love may be in order and fair warning: It will break your heart! Take the advice of your Mom and Krista. It is so hard, I know, but your mental sanity is in jeopardy! If you can't stand it, make your husband do it. That's what I had to do. I would give in too easily and Zane could hang tough.
I am sorry you are having a hard time. One more thought...have you tried keeping him up late or cutting out that last nap of the day? I know that is cruel and unusual punishment to the Mom, but it might help. best of luck. Most Mom's have been-there-done-that too.
I am not going to give you any of my own advice because I have one less child than you do and I still don't have everything figured out. However, I don't know if you have read the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Well, people would always recommend that book to me because I was going insane with Brennon. Makai sounds a lot like Brennon was and Brennon didn't sleep through the night until he was 13 months old, and even now...like last night, he was up at 3:30 this morning and refused to go to sleep until 6:00. Anyway, I have 2 copies of that book if you want to borrow it if you haven't read it already. It worked miracles for me and my cousin was having an issue with her 4-5 month old and she said after a few weeks of reading the book and practicing what it said to do, her son started sleeping through the night and taking 2-3 hours naps during the day. I'm sorry you are struggling, let me know if you want to borrow it!
DITTO. DITTO. DITTO. To what your mom said. I couldn't have said it better, and I agree 100%. It's so hard, but they really do need to learn to put themselves back to sleep. At this point, it's not good for either of you. You BOTH need that sleep. If you want something to read to make you feel better about it, I could e-mail you my book (it's a pdf file).
P.S. I am doing this with Scarlett right now, and it sucks. . . but I did it with Norah and she has been an amazing sleeper ever since.
Scarlett totally nurses to sleep lately, and it's disrupting her sleeping as well. I'm in the middle of the crying it out/breaking the habit/learning to fall asleep on her own cycle, so I empathize with you.
I don't even believe you are sane with such little sleep. I would die. Literally. I would die. Kudos to you for holding it together!
We should probably hang out sometime?!?!?
longest comment ever. . .
I agree with mom, Kayleen. The key thing, I think, with babies is for them to learn to comfort themselves back to sleep. Unfortunately, the only way for them to really learn this is for them to be left alone for awhile. And DON'T talk to him! If he hears you talk to him, he might think that it's play time and you're going to pick him up. You're right, he does not need to eat that much. In fact he's well old enough to be able to go through the whole night without eating at all.
We finally had to put Kyler in Chase's room about three months ago (I think). We moved Chase's mattress into our room for a couple weeks so Kyler could get the hang of being in a different room and being alone. He was still waking up at night, but they were somewhat longer stretches. (2-4hrs) and I was still going in to get him and usually ended up nursing him as well. I was mostly worried about Chase waking up. He was so used to me picking him up and him getting fed, that I think it just became a habit. Eventually, Chase learned to mostly sleep through Kyler's crying. We are still having a problem with Kyler waking up between 5 and 6:30am. And it DOES wake Chase up at those times. He is finally sleeping through the night for the most part. If he does wake up, he cries for a few seconds and then goes back to sleep. Chase is currently back in our room and has been for almost two weeks. I'm not sure how to break Kyler of it, but I've held strong and haven't gone in to get him when he wakes that early.
And to tell you the truth, both Chase and Kyler have slept on their bellies ever since they were about a month old. Our parents did it with us and it didn't kill us, right? Plus, my philosophy is, if they can pick their head up and switch sides, they are just fine on their belly. Doctor's have gone back and forth on that for years now, it's hard to know what is right! Plus every baby is different. If it helps them sleep, then do it! Can he not roll over yet?
Oh another thing we tried with Kyler is taking his binky away at night. (Which finally led to him sleeping through). I noticed a lot of the time when I went in to him at night, I would put his binky in his mouth and he usually put himself to sleep that way. Half the time he was waking up because it had fallen out and he couldn't find it. Once we took it away from him at night, he found other "comforts" to put himself to sleep. Like his stuffed monkey and the two blankets that are in his crib. It may be hard, and it may take a couple weeks, but your sanity and health is more important. As long as you know he's safe from harm and doesn't have a messy diaper or any other issues that would make him uncomfortable, he'll be fine if you let him cry. And he won't feel abandoned or unloved. He will understand that he just needs to sleep. Geesh, I'm sorry that was so long.
I love you sister! I know exactly what you are going through! Call me if you need to vent. Or even talk. It's been awhile!
Oh and one more thing...I'm sorry...Don't put him to bed asleep. Put him to sleep awake but tired. That also helped Kyler.
Oh my gosh Kayleen, I can SO sympathize with you! My little Jacob (10 mo.) is my worst sleeper and I know it's my fault. If he wakes up in the night, I just lay down with him in my bed and nurse him (and me) back to sleep. It works (because I get decent sleep), but he has been such a terrible sleeper because of it! I am in the process right now of teaching him to sleep. I've been letting him cry it out a little and trying to lay him down while he's awake. It has been hard, but he is getting better!
When Tyler and Brooklyn were little, I did EXACTLY what your mom said to do and it worked like a charm. They were the best sleepers ever. It broke my heart the first few nights, but after 3-4 nights, they slept great! Kev had to restrain me and keep me from going in their rooms though!
Derek, was another story. I did the exact same thing with him, but it DID NOT work! One day I let him cry for 2 hours (I would go in and pat him every 20 minutes or so), bit it absolutely KILLED ME! He really didn't sleep well until he was 2 or 3. I think it's just his personality...he is naturally a lot more "intense" than the other kids!
Benjamin (2) and Jacob (10 mo.) have been hard because I have just nursed them back to sleep and I haven't "taught" them. When I finally weened Benjamin at 1 year, he became a great sleeper though. I'm going to ween Jacob in 2 months and I hope he will be the same.
I would recommend (for your sanity) that you let him cry it out. I think it's so hard because as I'm teaching my babies to sleep and letting them cry, I'm thinking, "maybe they are hungry...sick...hurting...stuck...whatever, you name it!" I need to just tell myself, "they are just fine and this is good for them!" You will both be happier!
BTW, A pediatrician named Dr. Ferber has a similar method. I read his book when Tyler and Brooklyn were little and it was helpful. Here is a link...
http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified_7755.bc
Hang in there and good luck! Love ya!
We did the Ferber method with both our girls because that's what our pediatrician recommended. And we had success and the least amount of mommy/baby heartbreak, I think. It's basically crying it out except that you aren't just leaving baby in the room by himself to cry. You nurse him, (make sure he doesn't fall asleep yet- I always nurse Emily when Kylie is still running around or the TV is on or something so I know she wont fall asleep. Then I also have plenty of time to burp her before I lay her down. I am always paranoid about gas bubbles hurting her and making her cry so I am sure to get them all out first), then read books/ cuddle or sing whatever your bedtime routine is for Ezra will work, and put him down in his crib awake. Stay there for a minute and reassure him (and yourself) that everything is okay (I always sing and sway back and forth with Emily and continue to sing as I am putting her down and then for a couple more minutes while she is in her crib)and then leave the room. Start with 5 minutes, then go in and check on him, reassure him, sing to him, but don't pick him up. Leave and go back in after 7 minutes and then 10 then 15 and 15 again. And just keep going back in until he's asleep. Then the next night start with a couple more minutes and the third a couple more. It's hard, don't get me wrong, but I studied up on this when we had this same problem with Kylie and this was the method I though was best for both my girls. I think it gives them a sense of security when you go in there and then slowly draw out the intervals. So you aren't just leaving them in a dark room to cry. I felt really uncomfortable with just leaving for 20 minutes+ and letting them cry. This way has worked really well for my family.
It's hard for the first couple nights but I promise you, it is best for you and Makai. If he's not getting the sleep he needs he wont be nourished the way he needs to be (and honestly you need your sleep to provide for him too). These few nights will help him be healthy. And I promise you, he is just fine. The first night we did this with Emily I went 3 (I couldn't make it to 5),5,7,10,15 and then she was asleep. It was hard and I had to put my mind in a different place so that I wouldn't just run in there and snatch her up. And Mike was good to remind me why we were doing it and that she was safe and would be just fine. The second night I went 5,7,10 and she was asleep. The third night I did 7,10 and she fell asleep while I was in comforting her, and the forth night she was asleep within 5 minutes. Now she falls asleep and stays asleep without any crying at all. She looks up at me when I set her down and then turns her head and falls asleep while I sing and rub her belly.
I really hope this helps. And I really hope that you are able to find peace with this whole situation. I think we have definitely all been there before. And I think we have so much in common when it comes to this sort of thing. If it were up to me I would keep my baby in my arms all night and let her sleep like that, but that's not what's best for her...
Good Luck. I'm praying for you.
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